I'm Sorry
by icclenomi
Summary: A look into a possible past of Rory and Amy as they met and grew. warning: mention of past non con and child abuse.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything to do with doctor who in this universe, besides the adipose and the tardis money bank thingy thats back in my mom's house somewhere...

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><p>Rory Williams hadn't always been a Williams- before that, came the years of Smith. The woman who'd given birth to him always maintained that the was a Smith- she'd never slept with the man she called John Smith- she'd never slept with anyone- that was what she said- so, then, how had the boy Rory come about? When Rory was especially young, before he turned three, this woman spoke kindly to him, he knew nothing but soft hands and a gentle voice. As he grew, though, he began asking where his daddy was and the woman became sad. Rory didn't like it when the woman was sad- he knew this much. The tiny boy cuddled the woman and asked her not to be sad- I won't ask- then you won't be sad.<em> I'm sorry<em>. The little boy grew to be five- but the woman didn't send him to school- instead she moved- no one knew about the child here- she could keep him all to herself. In such a noisy block of flats, no one need know he existed. The woman left Rory alone from time to time, sometimes for a couple of days at a time, and Rory learned not to eat too much at once; if you eat too much in one go- you might not get any food later. One day the woman brought home a man, but Rory still didn't get any more food, because they both went into the woman's room and banged on the wall. Rory thought he heard the woman crying late at night, but he couldn't see why- he wasn't allowed in her room. For about a week Rory had a routine; a small bowl of sugar puffs, sitting quietly until dinner, sometimes a take out meals before bedtime and the grownups would bang on the wall again. One day this changed. Rory didn't see the woman, he only saw the man, who spoke to him in a gentle voice like the woman used to. He told Rory he wanted to play a game- but Rory soon found he didnt like this game- this game hurt. Still, every night for two weeks the man would pull him over to 'play'. Why don't you like this, Rory? Why do you want to make me sad?_ I'm sorry._ More playing. _I'm sorry!_ why did it hurt? Games were fun- this wasn't fun. _I'm sorry!_

Someone had called the police- there was a funny smell coming from the new lodger's flat- the police smelt it as soon as they reached the floor. There could be no doubt that the woman had been dead for a few weeks- strangled by the looks of things- but the small boy found this a shock. No one had ever mentioned a child, but here he was trying to get away from the corpse, whilst seeming to want to go towards it. _I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!_ Social services took the child to a hospital where their fears had been confirmed- if only the bastard responsible had been caught. Rory, he said his name was, didn't get along with the other children in the group home- he was the smallest and was heard to refuse to play games- _I'm sorry!_ It wasn't until the Williams' names came up that there seemed to be any hope for him- the Williams had fostered "damaged" children for years, and had recently put themselves forwards as potential adoptive parents. From the moment they met Rory, they fell in love- Rory wasn't keen on loud noises, small spaces or a lot of people which suited them fine as they were already planning a move to a small village called Leadworth.

When Rory turned eight he received a new surname, a set of loving parents and he learned how to smile again.

When Rory turned eight he met Amelia Pond.

Amelia was a loud girl; she didn't have any problem shouting at anyone she didn't think was doing what she thought they should be- or, more importantly, if they didn't believe what she knew to be true. Her raggedy doctor existed, he was just a bit late. She was beginning to get just the slightest bit miserable when it happened- new neighbours moved in down the street, bringing with them a young boy. The Williams, perfect little family unit, brilliant; another one. She'd heard her aunt talking on the phone to one of her friends about the new neighbours and their adorable little boy, and it was this way that she found out they were coming over for dinner the following night- that's right, she had to find out she was eating with strangers from a phone call that she wasn't even involved with. There was a part of Amelia that wanted to take out her frustration on this 'adorable little boy', and another part whispering to her that no one like playing with her any more- ultimately, she just knew he was going to be just the same as every other child in this stupid little village, and she was bound to hate him and his stupid face. Then she met him. Rory Williams was two and a half weeks older than her, but seemed to be half her size. She wanted to be mean to him right up until the moment she saw him; jumpy, skinny, _adorable_ Rory. Eating at the table she saw that he barely ate anything on his plate and she scrunched up her face.

"You're supposed to eat it- it isn't going to kill you." His eyes widened, and he looked at the food as if he was terrified at the very concept of eating it- in fact, he looked even less likely to eat it than he did before.

"Amelia!"

"What? He needs to eat it all if he's going to grow- that's what you always told me- eat your veggies so you'll grow- but he wont grow if he doesnt eat them!"

"Amelia, please lower your voice- and leave poor Rory alone." Amelia cold be called many things, but stupid was not one of them- she saw him flinch at the 'poor Rory' comment.

"What? I was just saying."

"Rory, it's fine; remember what we said?" he turned to look at his mother and nodded, and returned to eating... slowly.

After dinner, Amelia decided they needed to go outside to play. She grabbed ahold of his hand and he looked at her as if she had grown two heads before she pulled him outside with her. She explained to him how the other kids would tell him stories about her being 'a crazy' but that he mustn't listen to them, because they were just plain old mean, and he nodded along, looking at her with an odd look on his face. They sat on the grass facing each other and she stuck out her hand.

"Amelia Pond." she kept her hand where it was and, for her part, didn't speak to him as if he was stupid, he clearly just hadn't done these things before. "You're supposed to say your name and shake my hand."

"Rory... er," his voice was quiet, she hadn't expected anything less, but it was always good to have things confirmed. "Rory, er... Williams."

"I used to live in Scotland, before I moved here to live with my Auntie. How about you?"

"Er..." He bit his lip and looked towards the house. "If... if I tell you..."

"Yes?"

"I can't... I don't think..."

"Come on, Rory- I'll tell you a story if you tell me where you used to live." He squirmed, didn't look like she would find out today- but she'd get it out of him.

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><p>This is all I have so far... not entirely sure how much more I'm going to write, and who knows how this 'past' popped into my head... but it did...<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Amy didn't like PSE. Not anymore. It used to be that PSE was just an excuse to mess around with your friends, doodle on your paper without the teacher getting annoyed and argue with anyone about any subject you could think of- but one week they came into the classroom and the chairs were all facing forwards. Confused, just like everyone else, she pulled Rory into the seat next to her and the pair exchanged a number of silly faces before the class began. Their teacher today wasn't the pushover English teacher they were used to having, but rather a very stern man by the name of Mr Holliday, and so when he began, everyone listened. He gave them a whole speil about the dangers young people face in the world today, and launched into a lecture about sex- of course, by this point, everyone already thought they knew everything they needed to know, but then he changed the subject slightly- he talked about safety, young people are always at threat of being assaulted. There were unsavory characters about wherever you might go, and they weren't only after girls. It was at this point that Rory stuck his hand up, looking quite pale, asking to go to the toilet.

"This is all very important stuff, Mr Williams. You need to be prepared-"

"Sorry, sir- I need to.. I have to... " What was wrong with him? He looked as if he was going to be sick- and he was talking back to Holliday! "I'm sorry!"

Rory Williams' loud departure from the classroom was a major talking point of the school, and, it seemed the village. It was noticed that he never showed up for his afternoon classes, and Amy wondered if he really was sick. She'd go to visit him after school, make sure he was alright- he always did the same for her, it was the least she could do. However, she was surprised to find he wasn't at home.

"I wanted to see if Rory was ok- he seemed a little off when he left class today."

"Rory left his class?"

"Yeah, middle of PSE, he just upped and left- wasn't in all afternoon... we thought he'd been sent home..."

"PSE?" Amy nodded. "What... Amy, dear- what were you talking about in class?"

"er... Mr Holliday was talking about sex... and danger and stuff- I don't know, Rory just flipped out, I was a bit distracted." Amy looked up into Mrs Williams' face following this and was surprised to seethe, normally cheerful, woman looking very frightened. "Whats wrong?"

"Oh, er..." She seemed to think. "You're Rory's best friend, I wouldn't be surprised if you were his only friend- and right now I'm certain he's in great need of you. There are things you don't know about yet, but I'm completely certain it's you he needs... not me, not his mother- not for this. Would you be able to find him? You know all of his hiding spots, after all."

What was going on?

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><p>Sorry this was so short... I'm really not sure how decent my writing skills are though, and I keep getting distracted from my essay writing for Uni and... you don't want my life story...<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

She found him sitting in the old treehouse they'd thrown together in the park, his legs were pulled up to his chest and his head rested on his skinny knees. She really didn't know how to act- he never really did this, not anymore. When the two of them had met, six or seven years ago, he'd been really skittish; he hardly talked, hardly ate and he would visibily try to stay out of people's thought he'd grown out of this scared little boy, she thought she'd cured him of it. He'd started talking, if only enough to get by- and he was very vocal when they were playing at raggedy doctor. She knew he didn't really like dressing up as the doctor, but at the same time she saw him gain confidence from playing at being some one else; this was why they still played at fourteen, she didn't want him to lose that confidence. She gently said his name, and was surprised when he jumped and stared, terrified, in her direction.

"Rory, its me- Rory." His face crumpled and he quickly thrust his head into his hands, as if he could hide or erase the existance of his tears. "Oh, Rory..."  
>Amy moved next to him and rubbed circles on his back, she vaguely remembered how whenever she was upset and he would rub her back, and it made things seem better for some reason. How many times had he done this for her?<p>

"Rory, what's wrong? Hey, you can tell me- I won't tell anyone- I swear." He shook his head, and she frowned and pulled his face to look at her, his face was grimey and wet. "Listen here, mister. You need to trust me. I trust you with all of my secrets- don't you trust me?"

"O...Of course I d...do." His voice was shakey, but at least he was speaking again.

"So come on then- start talking." She put her arm around him and pulled his head down to rest on her shoulder. "Don't worry, and just tell me."

"I... I'm sorry- I don't, I don't know if I can... I just... I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Hey- don't be sorry. I'll sit here as long as you need me." She meant it, she really did- but she dreaded the moment he told her as much as she dreaded him not telling her at all. But still, she waited with him until he started talking an hour and a half later.

"They're not my real parents you know." What? "Mum and Dad... they ad...they adopted me right before we moved here... well, just after really, but the process was started before we moved, so we just didn't tell anyone- I look enough like I'm theirs.

"Seems a bit silly... we've known each other for so long, but I never told you before- but I just didn't want to remember- I didn't want to re...remember anything before this quiet, boring, brilliant little village- of course you weren't boring. Thats a good thing, I think I would have gone bonkers if I didnt have you around me, you and your brilliant games." He paused. Amy looked up to see him gazing at the stars through a hole in the roof. What else didn't she know about Rory Williams? "I thought about telling you so many times, but then I'd have to explain everything and... and I'll be really honest with you- I hate it. I hate the rest of it."

"Its okay, Rory- I don't mind- I know _you_." She thought she was just saying it, that she didn't really know him; how could she if he was keeping gigantic secrets like this from her? But she found that as the words flew past her lips, that she well and truly meant every word. "Whatever happened in the past doesn't matter."

"But it does... it really really does- I can't stop thinking about it ever- apart from when I'm with you- and and and... its really embarassing- you make me forget everything. Nothing else exists but us when we're together, nothing else in the entire universe. I know it sounds really wierd and stupid and- "

"Hey- its not stupid." She didn't want to sit next to him anymore- she wanted him looking at her. "Rory. It isn't stupid. Why do you think I liked plaing those games? It didn't matter when I was with you- everyone who ever made fun of me, it didn't matter."

"My... I mean, the woman I lived with before- she told everyone that she, that she was a virgin. She said that my father was.. was a man called John Smith and that he was, he was coming back for us- but she hadn't slept with him. And no one, no one ever beleived her. but that I must- so we moved... but she..." He wasn't looking at Amy- he was staring at his fingers as he wrung his hands together. "She never told anyone I was there... no one ever knew I existed until the... the man.

"He liked to play g... games- but not the good kind- I hated it so much, but I couldn't st.. I couldn't stop him and he just kept going." Amy was startled when Rory suddenly looked into her eyes, and she saw he was fighting back tears. "I swear, Amy, I didn't want to- I tried to stop him- I swear!"

She pulled him into a fierce hug, hoping beyond all hope he wasn't saying what she thought he was. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her and buried his head in her shoulders as his own shook. She found herself rubbin his back again and whispering reassuring words that she never knew she uttered. Please, don't let him be saying that, anything but that...

"I... I'm sorry- I'm sorry- I'm sorry-"

"No, Rory- You don't have to be sorry- you don't ever have to be sorry- it wasn't your fault- it wasn't"

"He was just so... so big- and he he- I'm sor-"

"No!" She shouted at him this time, and gave him a shake for good measure. "You listen to me, Rory Williams. You have absolutely _nothing_ to be sorry for. You're a wonderful person... and you play a mean raggedy doctor."

He smiled, and she knew they'd be fine.


End file.
